I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
