Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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