I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
