This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
