This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Success! We fucked roommates!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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