I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
