So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
