Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
be right there i have to get my cape
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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