my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
