You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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