If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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