Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
