So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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