your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It's shark week go big or go home
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
