I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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