Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
