He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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