we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
