I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
