I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
