Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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