omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
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