no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
