i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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