hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
