So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
