haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
