I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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