Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
