I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
