guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
