3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize