she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
