Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
