wanna go halves on a baby?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I love you.
Bad choice
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
