HIV tests are more positive than that guy
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
