but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
