Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
