i would punch a child for taco bell
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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