Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
