I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
