i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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