mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
