somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
