I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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