This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
