Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
