That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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