There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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