plz talk dirty to me
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
