hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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