Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
