Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Drake has all the answers
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize