im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
