You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
