the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
