I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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