Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
