My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
