24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
