Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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