Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
