There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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