First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
