I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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