right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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