i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
