I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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