Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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