My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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