Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
