i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Someone signed my nipple.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize