i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
