sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
