i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
